CNHI News Service

Opinion

February 13, 2013

Just let jerks ease on down the road

ANDERSON, Ind. —  

I could tell what the driver of the SUV that was rapidly approaching me from the rear was going to do long before he did it.

When I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the SUV, I could tell the driver was a jerk. When it comes to driving, I have excellent jerk radar. Or J-dar, if you will. Jerks on the highway are easy to spot. They usually come out of nowhere, and before you have a chance to switch lanes so they can pass, they veer into the right lane, pass you and then zip back into the left lane, forcing you to hit your brakes.

When I saw the jerk in the SUV riding on my tail and then veer into the right lane, I knew what he was going to do.

The reason I was in the left lane was because there was a tanker truck in the right lane going tanker-truck speed. For those who don’t know, tanker-truck speed is slow. Think of a large turtle walking in peanut butter. Wait, that’s dumb. Why would a large turtle be walking in peanut butter? And why would walking in peanut butter make the large turtle walk slower than normal? And is it possible for large turtles to develop peanut allergies? Too many questions.

So forget what I said about the large turtle walking in peanut butter. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Anyway, because the tanker truck in the right lane was going slow, there were a lot of cars in the left lane all trying to pass the truck.

About two or three car lengths in front of me was a nice driver in a compact car. I had no reason to think the driver of the compact car was nice, but since my J-dar didn’t kick in, I assumed he was.

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