CNHI News Service


February 13, 2013

Just let jerks ease on down the road

ANDERSON, Ind. —  

I could tell what the driver of the SUV that was rapidly approaching me from the rear was going to do long before he did it.

When I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the SUV, I could tell the driver was a jerk. When it comes to driving, I have excellent jerk radar. Or J-dar, if you will. Jerks on the highway are easy to spot. They usually come out of nowhere, and before you have a chance to switch lanes so they can pass, they veer into the right lane, pass you and then zip back into the left lane, forcing you to hit your brakes.

When I saw the jerk in the SUV riding on my tail and then veer into the right lane, I knew what he was going to do.

The reason I was in the left lane was because there was a tanker truck in the right lane going tanker-truck speed. For those who don’t know, tanker-truck speed is slow. Think of a large turtle walking in peanut butter. Wait, that’s dumb. Why would a large turtle be walking in peanut butter? And why would walking in peanut butter make the large turtle walk slower than normal? And is it possible for large turtles to develop peanut allergies? Too many questions.

So forget what I said about the large turtle walking in peanut butter. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Anyway, because the tanker truck in the right lane was going slow, there were a lot of cars in the left lane all trying to pass the truck.

About two or three car lengths in front of me was a nice driver in a compact car. I had no reason to think the driver of the compact car was nice, but since my J-dar didn’t kick in, I assumed he was.

Text Only
  • taylor.armerding.jpg Zamperini, the Olympian and POW, was a hero because of his faith

    Louis Zamperini collected many accolades as an Olympic distance runner and brave bombardier who spent a month adrift at sea and two years in a Japanese prisoner of war camp. But faith and forgiveness are what truly distinguished him.

    July 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • Hobby Lobby critics push specious privacy pitch

    The violation of privacy argument by liberal detractors of the Supreme Court's decision in the Hobby Lobby-Obamacare case doesn't hold water when you consider the current collection and use of the personal details of your medical preferences.

    July 11, 2014

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Declare your independence from empty slogans

    'Independence Day' is now an ironic celebration in a country where the president promotes government dependence over actual freedom, and where bumper-sticker slogans have replaced actual, independent thought.

    July 3, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Taxi owners, government patrons try forcing Uber to go 'off-duty'

    Uber gives urban passengers an enticing alternative. Rides on-demand arrive faster than taxis, are cheaper and cleaner, and get rated by customers. Rather than hail innovation, government enablers are helping the heavily regulated taxicab industry freeze out the upstart.

    June 27, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg IRS spins email yarn as Obama slips past another scandal

    Forget everything you've heard about email. All digital trace of a former IRS official's email over the 25 months the agency harassed conservative groups has mysteriously, improbably vanished. Gone, too, is the White House's accountability as President Obama slips from another scandal.

    June 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Obama: Don't listen to those who knew Bergdahl best

    The Obama administration chides anyone who suggests that Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl - the POW traded for a dream team of Taliban terrorists - might be something less than a hero. The White House wants us to stop jumping to conclusions - unless, of course, we're jumping to the right conclusions.

    June 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Left tallies 'true cost' of coal with a political calculator

    Weighing the "true cost" of coal-based energy is politically convenient. In a "true cost" world, coal may be more expensive but alternate energies aren't affordable, either; you don't get a tax break on your mortgage; and the feds don't protect the United Auto Workers from Chrysler's bankruptcy.

    June 6, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Veterans wait for healthcare, we wait for accountability

    Poor care and long wait times at the Veterans Administration are little surprise for an organization with such an entrenched bureaucracy. It's almost predictable as the Obama administration's mock surprise and non-response.

    May 30, 2014 1 Photo

  • taylor.armerding.jpg Reality replaces Obama's foreign policy promises

    Terrorists were supposed to disappear and tensions would dissolve between the United States and other countries when President Barack Obama took office. But prize-winning promises don't hold up to real-life Chinese hackers, attacks on U.S. diplomats and Russian land grabs.

    May 23, 2014 1 Photo

  • sampollak.jpg Presidential perk turned into a bummer

    Who wants to be president of the United States if you don't get time to actually linger and soak in the Baseball Hall of Fame?

    May 23, 2014 1 Photo